What are the primary causes for divorce that most couples overlook? What can we do to alleviate these causes? To know the cause is to know what to do and to hopefully reduce the chances of a divorce occurring. Here are some of the primary causes for divorce.
Top Reasons For Divorce
Some of the greatest reasons for divorce today are, in descending order:
Ongoing adultery/pornography (which is the same as adultery in the heart – Matt 5:28)*Lack of communication
*Drug or alcohol addictions/abuse
*Physical/emotional abuse
*Sexual problems
*Financial problems
*Unfulfilled expectations
*Differences in priorities
*Differences in child-rearing
*Religious or cultural differences
*Boredom/falling out of love
*Child sexual or physical abuse
*Controlling spouse
*Mental health issues
*In-laws interference
Jealousy, insecurity or lack of trust
Shift in priorities
Children leave home/empty nest
Addressing The Causes
If you have problems in one or more of these areas, this does not mean that you are headed for divorce, but if you have several of these issues residing in your present marriage, it could be time for counseling. Counseling with a Christian marriage counselor reduces the likelihood of a divorce. Everyone changes with age but change is not always bad. Change is unavoidable as we are changing every day. I am not the same man that I was 10 years ago. I will not be the same man next year that I am today. What remains constant in me is that I make a concerted effort to love my wife in ways beyond just saying it. Love is a verb. It is not so much what you say as what you do.
By acknowledging the causes of divorce as a real and present danger to your marriage, you can address these serious issues ahead of time. One example is to determine in advance what actions you will take. I love what Job said that “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin” (Job 31:1)? The scourge of pornography is wrecking many marriages because it is making men and women commit adultery in their heart, for Jesus said, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman [or man] lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28). Not only does adultery occur in the sexual act, it starts in the heart, for as a person thinks in their heart, so they are in reality (Prov 23:7).
Pornography Is Adultery In The Heart
Pornography not only is committing adultery in the heart (Matt 5:28), it changes the brain’s chemistry in an almost incontrovertible way. Shocking as it may seem, women are becoming more and more addicted to pornography and online is the place where this is happening. Stunningly, the latest statistics are that 41% of women have looked at pornography within the last month. The percentage of men is even worse. Looking at pornography actually becomes as addictive as heroine and it changes a person’s brain chemistry in similar ways. I believe to make a covenant with your eyes, as Job said (31:1), is to make a decision in advance to not even for a second look at anything that appears to be overly stimulating. Sadly, that’s going to be about impossible to do in our present society because even on TV, the Internet, billboards, and on the magazine rack, pornographic photos abound. The pictures might be legal but that doesn’t mean that they are moral.
Top Reasons For Divorce
Some of the greatest reasons for divorce today are, in descending order:
Ongoing adultery/pornography (which is the same as adultery in the heart – Matt 5:28)*Lack of communication
*Drug or alcohol addictions/abuse
*Physical/emotional abuse
*Sexual problems
*Financial problems
*Unfulfilled expectations
*Differences in priorities
*Differences in child-rearing
*Religious or cultural differences
*Boredom/falling out of love
*Child sexual or physical abuse
*Controlling spouse
*Mental health issues
*In-laws interference
Jealousy, insecurity or lack of trust
Shift in priorities
Children leave home/empty nest
Addressing The Causes
If you have problems in one or more of these areas, this does not mean that you are headed for divorce, but if you have several of these issues residing in your present marriage, it could be time for counseling. Counseling with a Christian marriage counselor reduces the likelihood of a divorce. Everyone changes with age but change is not always bad. Change is unavoidable as we are changing every day. I am not the same man that I was 10 years ago. I will not be the same man next year that I am today. What remains constant in me is that I make a concerted effort to love my wife in ways beyond just saying it. Love is a verb. It is not so much what you say as what you do.
By acknowledging the causes of divorce as a real and present danger to your marriage, you can address these serious issues ahead of time. One example is to determine in advance what actions you will take. I love what Job said that “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin” (Job 31:1)? The scourge of pornography is wrecking many marriages because it is making men and women commit adultery in their heart, for Jesus said, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman [or man] lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28). Not only does adultery occur in the sexual act, it starts in the heart, for as a person thinks in their heart, so they are in reality (Prov 23:7).
Pornography Is Adultery In The Heart
Pornography not only is committing adultery in the heart (Matt 5:28), it changes the brain’s chemistry in an almost incontrovertible way. Shocking as it may seem, women are becoming more and more addicted to pornography and online is the place where this is happening. Stunningly, the latest statistics are that 41% of women have looked at pornography within the last month. The percentage of men is even worse. Looking at pornography actually becomes as addictive as heroine and it changes a person’s brain chemistry in similar ways. I believe to make a covenant with your eyes, as Job said (31:1), is to make a decision in advance to not even for a second look at anything that appears to be overly stimulating. Sadly, that’s going to be about impossible to do in our present society because even on TV, the Internet, billboards, and on the magazine rack, pornographic photos abound. The pictures might be legal but that doesn’t mean that they are moral.
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